Paula Apynys

(pôl´· ä ap´· ä · neez)

After Despair

Posted in Politics & Media

The 2016 Election was the most devastating experience in my life to date. I have never felt that kind of despair before, the sense that my world had been altered in a frightening and horrifying way by external events. I literally sat in darkened rooms for hours at a time just…frozen. My thinking slowed down, as though thoughts had to crawl through thick tar to reach me. Out of sheer self-preservation I cut myself off from news and social media; I worked, did physical work, walked my dog, petted my cats, read a bunch of old novels, and meditated. 

I began to regain a reasonable sense of normalcy; I cheered up little by little, I felt less afraid. But I was still offline (except for work purposes). Then the Women's March on Washington happened. I knew people who participated, and while I couldn't summon the energy to go, I spent the day following it on C-SPAN and other online portals and, as the day passed, my mood went up and up and up. It was amazing. People marched, not only all over the country, but all over the world. It was inspiring and reassuring. It told me America wasn't yet lost and that people were finding all kinds of ways to resist and to fight for our democracy, our republic.

Well, I fear it's gonna have to be a hell of a fight, but I now feel I can be part of it. If this country is going to go down, I'll go down fighting instead of cowering. Bless all the pink-hatted ladies! (I made my hat!) Bless all the patriots who know what the shining ideals of America actually are.

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